My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
