Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
