oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
