I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
