Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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