I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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