ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
