I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
