Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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