Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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