I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
