I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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