i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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