Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
