why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
