I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
