When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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