My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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