Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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