i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
