I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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