Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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