My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize