We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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