I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish you could order shots online.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
