You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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