i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
