just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
