Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize