I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
