oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
