needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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