so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
