Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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