Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
