Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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