he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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