What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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