are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
