If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize