goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
