Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
