you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
