Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
