just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
