She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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