I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
