so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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