If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
