i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
