i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
