So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
