You're so nebulous sometimes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
