its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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