I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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