I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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