I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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