Who did Billy Mays play for?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize