they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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