Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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