I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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