His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
