if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
