GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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