I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
