I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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