How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we're so committed to being not committed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
