Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
