before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
