I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
