Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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