Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
