Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
