I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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