i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
