He felt like a one man threesome
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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