and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
