i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize