True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
