Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize