remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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