Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
