Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
