Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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