Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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