I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How naked do you want me to be?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
