I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
