I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize