I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
