I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
