it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
