32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
