he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
