My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
