you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
