i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
