She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
