pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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